

I was messing trying to compress some video so I could put it on my phone, and I accidentally shrank myself. Somehow. Help!
I got my hands on one of the first iPhones, and I demonstrate a special feature no one else has mentioned,
True story: one time I was on an airplane, and David Blaine was sitting next to me, and he's like, "Dude, wanna see a card trick?", and he showed me this one. Afterwards he said, "No one like's it, so I don't do it in my shows, but it's my personal favorite." This was a couple years ago, and he's still not using it so I'm stealing it from him.
Rob explains that he keeps a list of alternate girls that he'd like to get with in case anything happens to his girlfriend.
Rob couldn't sleep, so he got up in the middle of the night to tell a joke.
An alien, Zandor, has come to Earth to correct a grave and historical injustice.
My alien friend Zandor sings a personalized version of Jingle Bells as a gift for the people of Earth.